i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
