please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Ketchup is God's man juice
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
