Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
