you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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