using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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