no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
