Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
