I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
