I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
