I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
