is your mom at the bar?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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