standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i think im in europe. pls send help
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
