12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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