I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
