How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
