I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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