at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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