New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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