dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
