How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
