you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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