I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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