Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
