final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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