I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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