Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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