the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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