Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
