Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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