Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I have aggressive nipples.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
