ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
