I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
