Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
