Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
