Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
