ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize