She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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