pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
