Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
