living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
