I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
