How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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