Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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