that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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