My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
