It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
