Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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