he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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