he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
