Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
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