I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize