i just had sex bonerless
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize