if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
