You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
