You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
