Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I need a beard to bite.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
