can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
