Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
