I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
