i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
