yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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