Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Houston, we have a squirter
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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