I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
