u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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