matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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