He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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