yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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