your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
