My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
