Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
