PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize