so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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