She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
