My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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