the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
