I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize