my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
