Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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