So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
