everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
