wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
