his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
