You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
