thus making me awesome and them whores
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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