I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
