dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he was CRYING into my vagina
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
