You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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