So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize