just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
