Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
