Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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