ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
