There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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